Reverse Culture Shock: A Diaspora's Journey Back to America
When Coming Back Isn't Coming Home
Landing back in America, I half-expected an interrogation about my year-long adventure to obscure countries. Instead, I got a simple "Welcome back, sir." And so began my whirlwind tour of North America, a journey that would remind me why I left and yet, in moments, make me question my choices.
Columbus, Ohio: The Eerie Comfort of Middle America
First stop: Columbus, Ohio. My cousin's graduation brought me to this almost unsettlingly peaceful suburb. A stark contrast to the vibrant energy I'd grown accustomed to in Africa.
Everyone I interacted with seemed satisfied, showing little curiosity about my adventures abroad. Instead, they saw me as a free agent, attempting to recruit me to their slice of suburban paradise.
For a fleeting moment, kayaking down a serene river, I wondered: Could I be content with a simple life in Middle America? What if I traded the hustle and bustle of African cities for the tranquil streets of Columbus?
The thought passed quickly, like a leaf on that gentle Ohio river. On to the next city.
Toronto, Canada: Where Comfort Meets Ambition
Toronto felt different. The city buzzed with energy, a blend of comfort and big-city dreams. I arrived just as Collision Conference ended, and the city was still riding the wave of innovation and excitement.
I scheduled a flurry of coffees and meals, taking full advantage of the convergence of bright minds. The traffic left a bad taste in my mouth, but the vibe was undeniable.
People here seemed to have found a sweet spot – comfortable like those in Ohio, but with a hunger for high dreams and aspirations. There was a noticeable "by any means necessary" attitude that resonated with my own drive.
San Diego, California: The Sun-Soaked Trance
My hometown. Frankly, I'd visit less if my family weren't here. The sun-soaked streets held a familiar comfort, but also a warning.
Most friends have moved away. Those who remain seem caught in a trance – happy with their current environment, yet eager for a change that keeps getting pushed back. It's a weird paradox that I recognize all too well.
My late aunt described it perfectly: "Sun on your skin, but a gloomy cloud following you everywhere." It's a haunting image that captures the essence of this beautiful, complacent city.
I find myself playing the role of a politician – shaking hands, kissing babies, and making a swift exit before the San Diego venom seeps into my veins. The urge to stay, to bask in the eternal summer, is strong. But so is the pull of my ambitions elsewhere.
The Bay Area: A Tale of Two Cities
Oakland, California: My Heart's Home
Oakland holds a special place in my heart. It's where I found my voice, where I learned to fully express who I am. The city has an authenticity that's hard to find elsewhere.
Here, you can bring your obscure instrument and join the band, adding your unique sound to the city's vibrant mural. It's a place where a smile and a wave from a stranger in a corner store feels genuine, not forced.
In many ways, Oakland reminds me of Nairobi. Both cities welcome you, let you blend in, but not in a monolithic way. Instead, they invite you to contribute your own distinctiveness to their already vibrant communities.
Sure, both cities might have a bad rep. But those of us who know their true nature aren't in a rush to correct outsiders' perspectives. It's almost selfish – we don't want things to change. The bad reputation serves as a filter, keeping away those who wouldn't appreciate the city's true essence anyway.
San Francisco, California: The American Johannesburg
A mere 15-minute drive from Oakland, San Francisco feels worlds apart. It's what I consider the American version of Johannesburg – a place where signals like who you are and what you do are at the top of all social interactions.
It's a dystopian realm where your job title, accomplishments and leverage often dictates your social worth. Interactions rarely feel authentic, most feeling transactional. The American capitalist in me reluctantly enjoys this aspect – it's the hub of innovation and all things tech, where deals get done quickly.
The equation is simple: bring value, get rewarded. Major bonus points if you can scale it into a unicorn. It's a city of extremes, where the highs are stratospheric and the lows are crushing.
Despite the obituaries written for San Francisco during and after the pandemic, the city remains what Paul Graham would call "Default Alive". It's established the groundwork to sustain itself, its brand, and both retain and import talent. The mission? Encourage people to do things that will change the world.
The People I Meet
During my visits to the Bay Area, I've developed a rhythm that keeps me productive while still allowing me to reconnect with the vibrant tech scene. My days typically consist of three 2-hour sessions of deep work, punctuated by bike rides around Lake Merritt and coffee breaks. This routine helps me stay grounded and focused amidst the whirlwind of meetups and conversations.
One of the highlights of my visits is hosting a range of bright minds at my friend's condo overlooking Lake Merritt. Over meals and tea, we exchange ideas, debate strategies, whiteboard product flows and share our visions for the future. These gatherings have become a melting pot of innovation and inspiration.
Last year, we decided to shake things up. Tired of the linear approach of one-on-one meetups, we organized a "Great Return" event on my friend's rooftop. We invited every interesting person we knew was in town - a diverse mix of YC alumni, artists, tech executives, and fellow travelers. The result was an electric evening of connection and collaboration, a microcosm of the Bay Area's innovative spirit.
I’ve noticed that there are two distinct groups in the tech circles I frequent in the Bay Area:
The Visionaries: These are the innovators with creative solutions to the problems they see in their lives, articulating their ideas in an almost poetic way. The influence of VC culture is evident in their polished presentations. They possess an admirable risk tolerance coupled with unwavering optimism – a combination that, while inspiring, isn't quite the path I choose to follow. When Kanye says "reach for a star and if you fall you land on a cloud," for this group, the cloud represents the valuable experience and insights gained from previous ventures, even those that didn't succeed. Their resilience in becoming serial founders is truly remarkable.
The Achievers: These are the ones who excelled academically and landed high-paying tech jobs. Many confide in me about their career uncertainties and curiosity about life beyond their current roles. Our conversations often turn into thoughtful discussions about balancing success with personal fulfillment. I share my experiences, acknowledging that life on the other side has its own challenges and I'm still navigating it myself. With some their eyes glaze over and realize they’re comfirtable where they are, while others become intrigued by the possibility of change. For those seeking alternatives, I help them explore ways to find balance between stability and satisfaction.
Despite the stark differences between these two groups, I find myself relating to both in different ways. The Visionaries' ambition resonate with my own entrepreneurial spirit, even if their risk tolerance exceeds mine. The Achievers desire for meaningful work and a balanced life echoes my own journey. What's reassuring is that beneath the surface-level differences, both groups share a common thread - a desire for change and impact. Whether it's through bold, VC-backed ventures or seeking a more fulfilling career path, these individuals aren't content with the status quo. And that's where I see hope. As long as there's a yearning for change and not just a desire to run on the Silicon Valley hamster wheel, there's potential for real transformation. In my eyes, this restlessness, this search for something more meaningful, is the first step towards the kind of innovation and progress that can truly change the world - whether in San Francisco, Nairobi, or anywhere in between.
Reflections on Returning
As my journey back to the states comes to an end, I'm left with a whirlwind of conflicting emotions and observations. I’m reminded that everything here seems larger from food portions to aspirations. Yet, beneath this veneer of abundance, I can't help but notice the crumbling physical and societal infrastructure - a stark contrast to the rapid development I've witnessed in parts of Africa.
Each city I've visited feels like its own self-contained universe. From the contented bubble of Columbus to the ambitious buzz of Toronto, the sun-soaked trance of San Diego to the dual realities of the Bay Area - people seem to exist in worlds defined by their zip codes. It's fascinating, yet somewhat disconcerting.
The ubiquitous laptop culture initially feels liberating, but I'm aware of how easy it is to lose oneself in the digital realm, neglecting the vibrant life happening just beyond the screen. Time zones create an odd disconnect - as I ramp up my day in East Africa, my friends here are winding down.
Yet, there's an undeniable ease to life and manufactured comfort here. I can lower my guard, experience moments without the constant vigilance I've grown accustomed to. It's refreshing, but it also reinforces why I chose to leave. The comforts of America are seductive, but they come with a price - a certain disconnection from the raw reality I've come to appreciate in Africa.
As I prepare to return to my adopted home, I feel a mix of gratitude and anticipation. These visits serve as a vital connection to my roots, a reminder of where I came from and how far I've come. They refresh my perspective and renew my energy. I leave with a fuller heart, a clearer mind, and a reinforced conviction in my choice to build a future in Africa. The challenges there are real, but so are the opportunities for growth and impact.
This journey has reaffirmed that The Great Return isn't just about physically moving back to Africa. It's about gaining a new lens through which to view both worlds, appreciating the complexities of each, and understanding where one truly belongs. These periodic returns to US serve as a crucial reset, a chance to reflect, reconnect, and recharge before diving back into the beautiful chaos of my chosen path.
That’s a wrap. Thank you for making it this far. I really appreciate your time. In exchange I’ll reimburse you with some of mine. If you want to talk, share your thoughts, work together or learn more about my experience you can choose a time.
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Love this piece! Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I hope the next months will be as exciting and refreshing.